Wary of working with Hole’s ‘impossible, drug addict’ lead singer, the bassist soon found herself entranced. So why did she jump ship for the Smashing Pumpkins – and start a relationship with Love’s enemy Dave Grohl?

It took Melissa Auf der Maur 25 years to tell anyone, even her husband, how her father had died. It was April 1998 and she was the bassist in Hole, the blistering alternative rock band founded by Courtney Love. They were on a brief break from recording what would be the band’s hit – and, for a time, final – album, Celebrity Skin, while Love, clean from heroin addiction, was pursuing a Hollywood film career.

Auf der Maur’s father, Nick Auf der Maur, was a Montreal politician, activist, newspaper columnist and career drinker who, in his youth, had been arrested for performing poetry in the street naked (with a gin and tonic in hand) and getting into a bar brawl with Jack Kerouac, who, he said, was a racist. He was also a heavy smoker. The lump that developed on his neck turned out to be throat cancer, which spread to his brain. When radiation didn’t work, he underwent an experimental procedure that cut out part of his throat and tongue, leaving him unable to eat, drink or talk properly. At home to visit him, Auf der Maur picked up the landline to make a call and heard her father’s voice on the line to a friend. He was saying he wanted to end his life, and he wanted help doing it. She put down the phone and then, later, spoke to the friend. If her father was going to end his life, she wanted to be there.